WARNING: GROAN WORTHY MOMENTS AHEAD.
My friend Alfred and I were extremely bored. And when I say bored, I mean bored. The kind of boredom that makes paint seem interesting. The kind of boredom that, if experienced too much, can lead to depression (which is TOTALLY a real thing, by the way. Wikipedia that shit if you don’t believe me.)
“Gah, I’m so borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred!” whined Alfred.
“I know, me too,” I agreed miserably. Alfred only let out another frustrated groan in response.
“Ugh, this sucks!” he pouted, laying down on the couch.
“I’m sorry, Alfred. But what can we do?” I shrugged, trying not to sound as bad as I felt. I was being a terrible hostess!
Hmm.. Hostess. Now I’m sad because that company is gone Where’s that guy from Zombieland when you need him?!
Alfred also seemed deep in thought and upset, perhaps considering giving into the boredom. But suddenly, a smile creeped across his face.
“Well, you know, __________... we could always do that one thing …”
It took me a minute to get what he meant, but when I did, I returned his devilish smirk. And then we went on like that for a long enough period of time that our faces could’ve gotten stuck (which is NOT a real thing, but an old wives tale).
Naturally, staring at each other in silence for so long like that got awkward. So I decided to break it.
“Hey, Alfred,” I purred.
"What did one Dalmatian say to another Dalmatian?"
His smirk grew, as did mine. “What?”
"’Is this spot taken?’"
And just like that the serious tone of this whole moment shriveled up and died. Alfred keeled over, rolling as best he could on the couch with his signature laugh filling the room.
HAHAHA! Your faces right now are priceless! You probably thought we were going to Rule 11 (look it up) or something, didn’t you? I really hope not; didn’t you read the title?
Don’t get me wrong; Alfred is a very attractive man. And as such, I am attracted to him. A lot. But I’m not gonna just jump his bones because I think he’s hot! What do think this is; a crappy fanfiction?
Now that your possibly nonexistent disappointment may or may not have worn out, I’m sure you’re probably groaning about my joke. Go ahead, I know it’s bad. That’s the point. Bad jokes are an art, and it’s great to be the one to tell them, provided you know it’s bad. If you don’t feelings could get hurt. But when you do know, the listener’s reaction to these jokes are usually hilarious.
Being an easily humored guy, Alfred and I both enjoy these jokes, even if it is for different reasons. So we go back and forth telling them. Like when I sent him a motivational poster of Flaky from HTF with the caption “Flaky: Gotta die fast” (Okay, I didn’t come up with that one. Someone else did… but Alfred doesn’t have to know that). Or the time we watched a Cow and Chicken episode where Cow went into space and Alfred was like “She should’ve jumped over the moon!”
Genius, am I right?
Anyway, back to Alfred, who had finally recovered from his laughter.
“Ahh.. that was a good one ________.” He sighed approvingly, cleaning his glasses. Once he finished this and put them back on inspiration struck. “OH! I got one! How do you get nacho cheese?”
"You steal it!"
More laughter from both of us.
"I can beat that!” I said confidently, “Why did Prince Eric and Ariel get a divorce?"
"Their relationship was floundering!"
MOAR laughter. Many more jokes like this were exchanged for a looooong time. At least 10 minutes. But I will spare you any more groans and/or eye rolls. Because I love you
So once all was said and done, My head was resting on Alfred’s lap (he was sitting up now) and was laughing –as was he- at his last joke. It was a real zinger, though I can’t remember exactly what it was he said.
I assure you it was really good though, why else would I have accidentally let the words “I love you” slip out of my mouth?
Alfred’s laughter came to a screeching halt, as did mine. I covered my mouth, face red from more than a lack of oxygen now.
“Nothing.” I lied, turning to my side, still on his lap. Yeah, I sure showed him.
He pulled me up and made me face him. Why? I clearly didn’t want to!
“__-________.... is that true?” He asked, sounding… strange. Like he was unsure of himself. I finally made eye contact and saw that he was blushing too.
Was it possible he felt the same?
I decided to gamble it. I’ve already said it, it’s already out there. I might as well own it.
“Y-yeah… it’s true.”
Silence. Heartbeats worth of moments passed. With every second, the rate increased. Ohhhh man, I screwed up, I screwed up big time, what do I -
“AWESOME! I LOVE YOU TOO!”
Alfred F. Jones: Not good for your heart.
The one that pumps blood through your body anyway. Not the metaphorical one.
Because obviously after that, we shared a little kiss and became boyfriend and girlfriend. And Alfred is a sweetie; maybe a little affectionate at times, but still a great boyfriend.
And naturally our favorite pastime is double teaming people with bad jokes.